No, There Weren't "2,700 Heatwave Deaths Due to Climate Change"

But nobody must be allowed to remember the warm days of 2026 fondly

It has been quite warm. And on some people’s views, this is a sign of things to come – slightly warmer weather means that Britain is going to be torn from her foundations by the elements that made her. Yet the heatwave, which, after all, as far as most people are concerned, is merely holiday weather, makes for a poor harbinger for that reason. It’s like calling a windfall of cash a sign of looming poverty. So the Green Blob requires a ritual, and therefore that the bodies be found and paraded in front of the press such that fingers can be pointed and Gaia’s wrath invoked against those who dare utter otherwise. Nobody should be allowed to remember the warm days of June and July 2026 fondly.

Accordingly, then, the bodies were found by the London School of Hygiene and Tropical Medicine (LSHTM), Imperial College London and the Met Office, who claimed to have found more than 2,700 corpses, each with the signature of anthropogenic climate change on them. “Using historical mortality records and established peer-reviewed methods,” which “build on previously published research”, these ‘researchers’ found that “550 heat-related deaths occurred in England and Wales during the May heatwave” and “2,200 during the June heatwave”.

According to the press release:

Dr Clair Barnes, Research Associate in Extreme Weather and Climate Change, Imperial College London, said: “It’s time we woke up to the fact that we now live in a country with dangerously hot summers. To protect people during future extremes, we must urgently adapt to the reality of the climate we now have, and double down on global efforts to reach Net Zero emissions to stop this from getting worse.”

And this, my friends, is how we can know for absolute sure that climate change is bullshit, even if it’s real, and even if Britain’s hat-trick of heatwaves in 2026 was caused by it. Because, even if climate change and the heatwaves were real, the deaths were not. As one might expect from the trinity of the LSHTM/Imperial/Met Office, all is not as it seems.

The deaths were made up.